Clutch save? No kidding.

Ben Scott, the goalkeeper for England’s Stocksbridge Park Steels soccer team, rushed into the stands and helped first responders stabilize an elderly heart-attack victim, BBC News reported.

Bonus points I: Scott is a staff nurse at Doncaster Royal Infirmary by day.

Bonus points II: He’d just been red-carded for a dangerous tackle.

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• At “Johnny Manziel forced to cancel weekend trip to Vegas after hearing he’s not suspended for Week 1.”

• At “Australian man runs a marathon a day for 20 months / Difficulty: He’s now 16,000 miles from home.”

Johnny Football

“If the NCAA really wanted to punish Johnny Football,” wrote Frank Isola of the New York Daily News, “they’d make him play the fourth quarter of the Jets’ last preseason game.”

Elks Club mixer

Five drunken elk — apparently high from eating fermented apples — got belligerent and kept a Swedish resident from entering his own home.

“Police who arrived on the scene reported that the animals had been warned that the police were on their way and wisely decided to leave the address,” according to the Stockholm Police incident report. “The elk will have to find somewhere else to get intoxicated.”

In the meantime, score it Elk 5, Humans 0.

Men Are From Mars Dept.

“The evidence seems to be building that … life started on Mars and came to Earth on a rock,” according to:

a) Professor Steven Benner of The Westheimer Institute for Science and Technology in Gainesville, Fla.

b) Anyone who even remotely followed Dennis Rodman’s NBA career.

Patriot Games

Bet the Patriots can’t wait to dial up the defensive pressure on Jeff Tuel if the Bills start the undrafted rookie QB in the season opener.

Or as Bill Belichick calls it, eight in the Tuel box.

Talking the talk

• Jack Finarelli of, on Ohio State favored by five TDs in its football opener: “If Ohio State is scheduling Buffalo, it ought to be the Bills and not the Bulls.”

• Benjamin Hochman of the Denver Post, on Peyton Manning’s offensive arsenal: “The Broncos have three exclamation points at receiver and three question marks at running back.”

• RJ Currie of, on Paulina Gretzky’s engagement to pro golfer Dustin Johnson: “She must have liked his approach.”

• Comedy writer Alan Ray, on the Pirates landing outfielder Marlon Byrd and catcher John Buck in a trade: “The Mets get a top prospect and a player to be booed later.”

Charging foul

Atlanta Hawks coach Mike Budenholzer has been charged with driving under the influence.

Police say the car’s tail lights weren’t lit but the driver was.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or