Sideline Chatter

The “E” in ESPN, apparently, stands for “everywhere.”

“ESPN has the World Cup cornered — heck, ESPN has the whole world cornered,” wrote syndicated columnist Norman Chad. “Every second of every game will be on ABC, ESPN or ESPN2, plus WatchESPN or ESPN3 online, and you can even tune in to all 64 matches on your smartphone or ESPN FC app.

“In my home, I also can access ESPN game coverage through my microwave oven and master-bath showerhead.”

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World Cup headlines

• At “World Cup referees run 6 miles during a match — 2 additional miles after making a game-ending call against the home team.”

• At “Bribery suspected after 2022 World Cup moved to Richard Branson’s backyard.”

Pooling their resources

The Jacksonville Jaguars have installed two pools and cabana-style seating in one section of EverBank Field.

Hey, if teams can tank it, why shouldn’t fans?

You make the call

Dwyane Wade’s egregious flop in Game 2 earned him a:

a) $5,000 fine from the NBA

b) penalty kick from the Japanese ref

Sports-Daddy Dearest

From his list of tips for being a great sports father, from DJ Gallo of

• “Make sure your kid focuses on sports over academics.

• “Give your kid steroids.

• “Haunt your kid’s cornfield when you’re dead.”

Three’s bad company

“Maybe we’ll have a Triple Crown of Sports Jerks this year,” reader M.F. suggested to “We already have two: Donald Sterling and Steve Coburn. Winner gets an autographed photo of Dennis Rodman.”

Seafood Lovers Dept.

A woman in DeLand, Fla., was arrested after she allegedly tried to walk out of a Publix store with seven lobster tails stuffed down her pants.

“In related news,” reported Mike Bianchi of The Orlando Sentinel, “Jameis Winston just announced that he has found his soulmate!”

Talko time

• Craig Ferguson, on President Obama and German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s wager on the upcoming World Cup match: “The loser keeps Hasselhoff.”

• CBS’s David Letterman, with No. 4 on his top-10 list of Eric Cantor excuses: “Opponent didn’t race in the Kentucky Derby or Preakness.”

• Ian Hamilton of the Regina (Sask.) Leader-Post, on LeBron & Co. in Games 3 and 4: “The M.I.A.-mi Heat.”

It’s his lucky day

For the first time since 2000 — and it won’t happen again until 2049 — a full moon fell on Friday the 13th.

Wolfman celebrated the occasion by walking under a ladder wearing a Cubs jersey.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or