Hey, he’s Mike Ditka. You were expecting Dr. Phil?

“If I was the coach, I wouldn’t have either (Richie) Incognito, the bully, or the baby, (Jonathan) Martin, on my team,” said the grizzled Ditka of the Dolphins’ Bullygate investigation. “That’s me. (Does) that make me right? No. That makes me me.”


• At SportsPickle.com: “Urban Meyer: ‘Ohio State has beaten eight teams ranked in the Big Ten Top 12.’ ”

Save 75% on a Digital Subscription Today

• At TheOnion.com: “USC announces new head coach, some guy who isn’t Nick Saban or Urban Meyer.”

Political football

President Obama’s approval rating is now at 37 percent, according to a CBS poll.

In other words, just 13 percentage points away from being bowl-eligible.

Mom, apple pie, SEC

Auburn AD Jay Jacobs told ESPN that if the SEC champion doesn’t get to play in the upcoming BCS title game, “it would be, quite frankly, unAmerican.”

Somewhere, J. Edgar Hoover’s body just went on full spin cycle.

Just kidding

Toronto is the world’s most youthful city, according to the Youthful Cities Index report.

No wonder the losing never gets old for Maple Leaf fans.

Check it out

Tiger Woods, Tim Tebow, Danica Patrick and Lindsey Vonn were the most-searched athletes of 2013, according to Yahoo.com.

What, no Aaron Hernandez?

Talking the talk

• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after Eagles coach Chip Kelly said Nick Foles would be the team’s starting QB “for the next 1,000 years”: “Or until the Cubs win a World Series, whichever comes first.”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the local area boasting five 5K runs on Thanksgiving: “Well, four 5K runs. The last one was a group of people chasing a turkey.”

• From Fark.com, on Georgia Southern serving alligator meat on campus after its 26-20 upset of Florida: “Hope they never beat the Bulldogs.”

• Len Berman of ThatsSports.com, after Rams DB T.J. McDonald pulled down 49ers tight end Vernon Davis by the privates during Sunday’s game: “We are fast running out of body parts to tackle.”

Gut-check time

Gushed Utah State football coach Matt Wells, in praise of running back Joey DeMartino: “The kid just oozes guts, and sometimes it’s not pretty.”

As an added note, the Aggies boast the only game films rated R for graphic violence.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com