Mongo, meet Matt Garza.
The Brewers pitcher certainly sounded like he was channeling the “Blazing Saddles” character made famous by Alex Karras when — on the subject of being traded by the Cubs — he told the Chicago Sun-Times:
“I’m just a pawn. It’s just playing a chess match. You’ve got your king and your queen you have to protect, and then you put the pawns in. That’s us. And you move your way down. The president’s like the bishop or the knight. And then the rook.
“But it’s all good. We’re all important pieces.”
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Will sack for food
“I used to be the brokest Jones,” defensive end Arthur Jones — brother of UFC champ Jon and Patriots DE Chandler — said after landing a five-year, $30 million deal from the Colts. “Now I’m the richest.”
Well, the brokest relatively speaking: The Ravens paid him $584,000 last season.
Paging Erin Andrews
Mr. Peabody made headlines last week as:
a) The cartoon star of the No. 1 box-office movie.
b) Seemingly the only one not waging a Twitter war with Sherman.
Katherine Webb alert
Veteran ABC sportscaster Brent Musburger is moving on to join the new SEC Network.
Or as they call it in HR, one ’Burger to go.
First and Final Four
From Steve Schrader of the Detroit Free Press: “When does the Big Dance truly start?
“a) Tuesday, with the First Four.
“b) Thursday, when your bracket is due.
“c) Thursday afternoon, when your bracket is busted.
“d) Monday night, with Meryl and Charlie on ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ ”
The right stuff
With Auburn hiring its new basketball coach, the Tigers have a ready-made moniker for their layup line:
Talking the talk
• Red Sox owner John Henry, via Twitter, after the Marlins complained about the players Boston put on the field for a spring-training game: “They should apologize for their regular-season lineup.”
• BASS angler Mike Iaconelli, to SI.com, on why he seldom eats freshwater fish: “You don’t eat your competition. It’s been said before, but a cowboy doesn’t eat his horse.”
• Headline at Fark.com: “Peppers picks the Packers, pending papers.”
• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, after A’s manager Bob Melvin said “hamstrings aren’t something you want to mess around with”: “Quads and delts? Sure, go have your fun.”
Dog Days Dept.
The Arizona Diamondbacks’ menu fare this season includes a $25 corn dog called the D-Bat Dog.
Not to be confused with the Dodgers’ $3.7 million hot dog, Yasiel Puig.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org