It wasn't the spiffiest Chicago Bears luxury suite on the market, but it was home. Police have evicted Richard Dorsay, 36, after discovering he had been living for the past three...

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It wasn’t the spiffiest Chicago Bears luxury suite on the market, but it was home.

Police have evicted Richard Dorsay, 36, after discovering he had been living for the past three years in a wooden shack cleverly built into the beams and girders of the drawbridge spanning the Chicago River.

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Not only that, the Chicago Sun-Times reported, but Dorsay had tapped into the bridge’s electrical system to power his space heater, microwave oven, PlayStation video games and 19-inch television set, the focal point for when he’d invite friends over to drink beer and watch NFL games.

“I’ve never seen this,” Tom Powers, a transportation deputy commissioner, told the Sun-Times. “Usually, it’s somebody trying to get warm at night.”

Dorsay has been charged with criminal trespass to property, a misdemeanor. Defense lawyers, though, are expected to argue that since he has been watching the Bears play the past three years, he’s already suffered enough.

Run for the border

When soccer player Paul Ince orders takeout, he doesn’t mean take it out of the restaurant — he means take it out of the country.

Whenever Ince would get a hamburger craving during his days with Inter Milan, he told FourFourTwo magazine, why, he’d just leave Italy.

“We used to live on Lake Como, which was about 10 minutes from Switzerland and 30 minutes from Milan,” the Brit told the magazine. “There was a McDonald’s just over the border, so when we fancied a burger it was quicker going to Switzerland than Milan. I had to take my passport to get a Big Mac!

“To begin with, I got stopped by customs officials at the border all the time, who checked my car and thought it was strange I kept going over. But after they realized what I was doing, they used to just wave me through.”

Talking the talk

• Jim Armstrong of the Denver Post, on speculation that Texas Tech basketball coach Bob Knight would be willing to leave Lubbock for the vacant USC job: “Turns out the reports are half-correct. Who wouldn’t be willing to leave Lubbock?”

• Dan Le Batard of the Miami Herald, on reports that Heisman Trophy winner Matt Leinart will stay at USC rather than risk getting drafted by the woeful Dolphins: “He might prefer to work for free, in other words, than be a millionaire crash-test dummy.”

• Elliott Harris of the Chicago Sun-Times, on Philadelphia receiver Terrell Owens’ ankle injury that will shelve him for at least six weeks: “You want desperate housewives? Try Eagles spouses who have already spent Super Bowl bonuses.”

• NBC’s Jay Leno, on baseball’s crackdown on performance-enhancing drugs: “Starting this season, they’re cutting off steroid sales after the seventh inning.”

Pass the doughnuts

Thanks to an artistic Vikings teammate, the St. Paul Pioneer Press reported, that life-sized promotional cutout of Pro Bowl center Matt Birk in Minnesota’s locker room now sports a “Body By Krispy Kreme” tattoo on its upper right arm.

Guess that explains the glazed look in his eyes come game day.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com