Sideline Chatter

What do you get when you cross The Golf Channel with “The Sopranos”?

Answer: Links legend Chi Chi Rodriguez, who — while trying to break a pane of glass 25 yards away with a shot for “Big Break NFL” TV cameras — hit himself in the groin when the glass held strong and the ball came flying back.

That’s a lot of Bull

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Some brazen and/or thirsty thieves made off with 304,128 cans of Red Bull from a warehouse in Medley, Fla., earlier this month.

Police insiders fear the suspects might be on the run a while.

OK, except for that

“We’ve been assured that the newly expanded ACC is basketball’s deepest, most-powerful conference,” wrote Bob Molinaro of the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot. “In that case, I presume the recent results I saw — North Carolina losing to Belmont, North Carolina State falling to North Carolina Central, Miami succumbing to St. Francis of Brooklyn, Virginia Tech submitting to USC Upstate — must have been misprints.”

Back in the saddle

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says coach Jason Garrett will return next season.

And ditto for GM Jerry Jones.

Talent scouting

Larry Brown, in his second season at Southern Methodist, has coached nine seasons of college basketball and another 34 in the NBA and ABA — and acquiring blue-chip talent in the two couldn’t be more extreme.

“I always laugh about this,” Brown told The Philadelphia Inquirer. “In the pros, if you’re a bad team, you’re in the lottery. In college, if you’re a great team, you’ve got multiple picks.”

Talko time

• Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, on Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Danica Patrick being more popular NASCAR drivers than six-time champion Jimmie Johnson: “Can you imagine an NFL where Blaine Gabbert gets more endorsement opportunities than Peyton Manning?”

• Reader R.B., to, on Alex Rodriguez stomping out of his arbitration hearing over his 211-game drug suspension: “While watching the interview, I was reminded of two cartoon characters, Pinocchio and Lance Armstrong.”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the minor-league Florida Everglades starting a 58-year-old goalie: “He’s the first hockey player whose teeth fell out naturally.”

• Ex-Wisconsin coach Barry Alvarez, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, on the secret to resurrecting a losing football program: “Before you can start winning, you have to stop losing. Quit beating yourself.”

Something’s amiss

Cavaliers rookie Anthony Bennett, the NBA’s No. 1 draft pick, is shooting just 13.5 percent — 5 for 37 — in the first 10 games of his pro career.

In other words, here’s one can’t-miss prospect who can.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or