Gazing into baseball's offseason crystal ball, courtesy of ESPN.com's Jim Caple: "Thanksgiving Day: World Series MVP Pablo Sandoval tests...
Gazing into baseball’s offseason crystal ball, courtesy of ESPN.com‘s Jim Caple:
“Thanksgiving Day: World Series MVP Pablo Sandoval tests positive for too much pumpkin pie.
“Dec. 1: An 8-year-old girl named Virginia writes a letter to the New York Sun, asking the newspaper whether the Yankees’ offense really exists.
“Dec. 5: The Yankees place A-Rod on Craigslist.
- Our state’s greatest gift to the nation just got canceled
- Clay Matthews tells Colin Kaepernick: ‘You ain’t Russell Wilson, bro’
- Watch: Former Mariners great Ichiro Suzuki pitches — yes, pitches — for the Marlins
- Injured Evergreen football player dies at Harborview
- Gun violence: Don’t fear gun laws; let gun-owners help pay to fix the problem
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“Dec. 7: The Astros unveil their new uniforms, which feature a star and ‘H’ on the cap, a rainbow pattern across the front of the jersey and ‘Chico’s Bail Bonds’ on the back.
“Dec. 27: In an attempt to score more runs, the Mariners announce they are moving third base closer to home plate.”
• At TheOnion.com: “Lakers GM claims Mike D’Antoni had more impressive cover letter than Phil Jackson.”
• At SportsPickle.com: “Miami starting to regret building $634 million stadium for Toronto’s Triple-A team.”
“At the airport I was asked if I’d seen anything unusual lately,” reported Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald. “So I reported witnessing the Kansas City Chiefs get a first down.”
Don Cherry, the bombastic Canadian hockey broadcaster, incurred a few bee stings when he stumbled upon a nest built in his backyard shed.
Our unofficial straw poll says 73 percent were rooting for the insects.
Springing 2 leaks
“I will give the NHL credit for this,” wrote Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun. “When they leak information during the lockout, they do so in both English and French.”
Talking the talk
• Blogger Chad Picasner, on the Marlins’ latest roster purge after getting a new stadium: “Owner Jeffrey Loria is supposedly changing the décor of the stadium to a number of white flags — all at half-mast.”
• Steve Rushin of Sports Illustrated, on the same subject: “Marlins Park was the first to feature a retractable roof and retractable roster.”
• CBS’s Craig Ferguson, on his favorite video game as a kid: “Pac-Man, a little yellow guy who kept popping pills until he won. He was the Lance Armstrong of his day.”
• Times reader Bill Littlejohn, after Mike Trout became the Angels’ first Rookie of the Year since Tim Salmon: “Think their scouts used the same bait?”
Pants on fire
The Bridge Inn pub in Northwest England is hosting “The World’s Biggest Liar” contest.
Alex Rodriguez — who said he wanted to play for a winner, then left an ALCS Mariners team in 2000 to sign a record deal with last-place Texas — is reportedly up for a Lifetime Achievement Award.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or email@example.com