Watch me pull a goalkeeper out of my hat! Starting in the nets on the all-region boys soccer team as announced by the Palo Alto (Calif. (Calif.) Daily News: Gunn High...

Watch me pull a goalkeeper out of my hat!

Starting in the nets on the all-region boys soccer team as announced by the Palo Alto (Calif.) Daily News: Gunn High School’s Boot Bullwinkle.

Can’t confirm he also faxed his letter of intent to Wossamotta U.

Headlines

• At SportsPickle.com: “Dayton, Ohio hurriedly preparing for onslaught of NCAA tournament play-in game fans.”

• At TheOnion.com: “Scientists theorize existence of NBA roster capable of supporting Dwight Howard.”

Belmont steaks

“Horsemeat was found in some products at Taco Bell,’ noted TBS’s Conan O’Brien. “Which explains Taco Bell’s new slogan: ‘You can lead a horse to Taco Bell. We will take it from there.’ “

Injury of the week

A’s outfield prospect Michael Taylor badly sliced his pinkie finger in two slices when he went to throw a wad of gum away — and grazed a dugout light fixture in the process.

Upon his return, scouts predict, he’ll face a steady diet of cut fastballs.

Up the river

Police who arrested six men — including 2004 World Series of Poker champ Greg “Fossilman” Raymer — in a North Carolina prostitution sting described it as:

a) a king and five johns.

b) a full cathouse.

Trade imbalance

Baltimore trades Flacco! What?

Alas, it’s true: The Orioles dealt minor-league infielder Mike Flacco — the 26-year-old brother of Ravens QB Joe — to the Red Sox on Friday for a player or cash considerations.

Though presumably nowhere near the $121 million Joe just got.

Talko time

• Blogger TC Chong, after Japanese tsunami debris washed up on the Hawaiian Islands last week: “Not to be confused with Manny Ramirez, who will be washed up in Taiwan in under two weeks.”

• Golfer Ben Crane, to Orlando’s WYGM Radio, on hirsute friend and rival Bubba Watson: “If my ball landed in Bubba’s chest hair, I’d have to take an unplayable lie.”

• Ex-Georgetown basketball coach John Thompson, to FoxSports.com, on the reason behind the Big East break-up: “What they did was let football pimp us.”

• Times reader Dale Lowey, on soft-tosser Jamie Moyer slated to throw out the ceremonial first pitch at the Mariners’ home opener April 8: “And the ball should arrive at home plate sometime on April 9.”

The buckshot’s here

Verne Fowler, announcing plans to build the Georgia Gun Club in Dacula, Ga., described it to Patch.com as the “Disneyland of gun ranges.”

“Speak for yourself, pal,” responded Bambi.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com