At least Rick Majerus, who died last week at 64, left us laughing. "Some guys smoke. Some guys drink. Some guys chase women," the corpulent...

At least Rick Majerus, who died last week at 64, left us laughing.

“Some guys smoke. Some guys drink. Some guys chase women,” the corpulent basketball coach once told the Arizona Republic. “I’m a big barbecue-sauce guy.”

And to the New Orleans Times-Picayune, on his tournament record against Kentucky: “When I die, they might as well bury me at the finish line at Churchill Downs so they can run over me one more time.”

Hold your applause

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Two polarizing college-football programs — Notre Dame and Alabama — will play for the national championship, posing an interesting dilemma.

“So, who will you be rooting for on Jan. 7, America?” asked Stewart Mandel of “Better question: Who will you not be rooting against?”

Food for thought

“Edgar’s,” an open-air cantina in honor of popular ex-Mariner Edgar Martinez, will be part of the left-field cuisine at Safeco Field this season.

Other M’s alumni up for ballpark consideration: a Ken Griffey Jr. rest stop, an A-Rod ATM, Jamie Moyer Soft-Serve Ice Cream, and for you mini-burger fans out there, Randy Johnson Sliders.

Hear, hear

“NASCAR fans are still talking about Brad Keselowski winning the season title in the finale at Homestead,” wrote Greg Cote of The Miami Herald. “Actually they’re stilling yelling about it, because their hearing hasn’t come back yet.”

Quote marks

• Bob Ross of, after Mike Tyson told the London Sun he caught then-wife Robin Givens in bed with actor Brad Pitt: “Either Mike is lying to get media attention because he’s promoting something. Or two, Brad Pitt can run faster than Mike Tyson.”

• Vikings safety Mistral Raymond, to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, on why Packers QB Aaron Rodgers is so tough to solve: “I don’t know, man. You guys have to cut him open and see what goes on inside his head.”

• Golfer Graeme McDowell, via Twitter, after struggling at the HSBC Champions event: “Busted up my hand a bit last night. Had an argument with a door.”

• Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on ex-WNBA star Chamique Holdsclaw’s arrest for allegedly shooting into an ex-girlfriend’s car: “The good news is, it should take approximately three seconds to find 12 jurors who don’t watch the WNBA.”

Uneasy Rider

Arkansas stunned the college-football world Tuesday by spiriting away Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema.

Bet the new contract has a no-motorcycle clause in it.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or