The Wrap by Ron Judd
So let’s say — hypothetically, of course — that your local public institution of higher learning completely lost track of its public mission and turned instead into a drooling devotee of a new, cash-spewing, big-time sports entertainment conglomerate known as “The Pac-12 Networks.”
How would you know?
It might screw over devoted football fans by letting the network turn game starting times into an episode of “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.” It might allow the network to turn a grand, autumn afternoon college football tradition into a freezing, untenable exercise in nighttime winter survivalism, creating a very long line at the Won’t-Call window for the new, improved — and suddenly highly questionable — Husky Stadium.
It might sit by with a stupid, not-my-problem grin when said network plays hardball with satellite TV providers, allowing legions of former fans to realize how little they actually miss Husky sports.
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And then it might, in what appears to be a series of jealous hissy fits to protect its new network sugar daddy, give its grotesquely overpaid coaches and their mall-cop minions free rein to kick reporters out of practices, forbid reporting of injuries and — final insult coming — start to restrict what they report, and how often, from athletic events.
All of this serving as a new layer of corruptive cash atop the already poisoned world of big-time college sports.
The question: Is there a single person on the U-Dub Board of Regents with a grasp on reality, or have they all been swooshed over and bought out, as well?
More bowing down:
In Sickness and Incarceration: Yeah, yeah, y’all just had to have your fun with the shotgun (sorry) marriage of soccer star Hope Solo and America’s Most Wanted star (again, sorry) Jerramy Stevens. Mr. Wrap, who believes that any two kids in purple sweatshirts deserve a clean, fresh start, is simply not going there.
Oh, what the hell: The bride wore a beaded, ivory, off-the-shoulders flak jacket; the goon, sorry, groom was attired in a black tuxedo with contrasting white ankle locator beacon. The couple is registered at Bed, Bath and Battery. Are you happy now?
Warning, Graphic Content: Sources are telling The Wrap that Mayor Mike McSchwinn is under investigation for emailing a shirtless photo of himself to hedge-fund wonder boy Chris Hansen.
Say WA? Human intelligence may have peaked millions of years ago, says a Stanford University genetics researcher. For proof, he offers up live DOT traffic-cam images of left-lane campers on Interstate 5 near Stanwood.
Drip, Drip, Drip: Countless cracks in brand-new pontoons for a $4 billion Lake Washington floating bridge. What could possibly go wrong?
And Finally: We were not terribly surprised to see the state Transportation Commission, sticking to a long, proud tradition of assigning forgettable, often unpronounceable names to state ferries, eschew broad public support for a new ferry named “Ivar Haglund,” opting instead for the names “Samish” and “Tokitae” (reputedly a native word for “abandoned gill net”) for two new boats. Thanks to the thousands who supported the MV Ivar and attempted to do the impossible by injecting a spark of imagination into a lumbering bureaucracy.
Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org