The Wrap by Ron Judd
On some level, perhaps it works.
But we predict plenty of furrowed brows when celebrants arrive for a day at the Puyallup Fair to find that a new featured attraction is “Our Body: The Universe Within,” another one of those exhibits of actual dried-up human bodies and organs.
Nothing says fall in the Northwest like carnival rides, a steamin’ hot scone and some sinewy human innards!
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Extend Foot, Aim, Fire: Amtrak Cascades says, through a tweet, of all things, that it’s bolstering bus service between Seattle and Vancouver, B.C., to meet passenger demand. Maybe we’ve been misunderstanding this for the past 150 years, but isn’t one of the main advantages of a train its ability to add cars without running additional freeway-clogging smoke-belching engines?
Speaking of Amtrak: Those tweets that come out once a month or so that say the Cascades train is “operating normally, with no significant delays” are a little Amtrak humor, right?
We, We, We: Not really sure about the new slogan in the gubernatorial race for Jay Inslee, D-Congress? What Congress?, which touts the state’s success at sprouting and retaining companies like Microsoft: “We create. We invent. We build.”
Going Around, Coming Around: Far and away the biggest winner as the Seattle City Council put the final facade of smoke and mirrors on a scheme to build yet another sports palace in a city still overwhelmingly opposed to public subsidies for same: Tim Eyman.
Rejected Inslee Slogan No. 1: “We came. We saw. We subdivided.”
Speaking of the Arena: Now for the real entertainment: The collective civic sucking up to weasel king NBA Commissioner David Stern and relocation committee chairman Clay Bennett. Nothing could possibly warm the cockles of each man’s slowly thumping reptilian hearts like a once-screwed city coming back and begging for more.
Remember, It’s All About the Children: A completed arena deal also allows hedge funder / beerman Chris Hansen to avenge that horrific dashing of hopes and dreams of Seattle kids when the Sonics left — by stealing the franchise of another city, whose kids surely will understand.
Rejected Inslee Slogan No. 2: “We fished. We logged. We apologize.”
Out-of-Touch Tour Rolls On: Presidential barely hopeful Mitt Romney, R-Obamacare, barely had wiped all the stuff off his shoes after his crass politicizing of the Libyan embassy attack when he proclaimed on ABC that “middle-income” Americans are those making “$200,000 to $250,000 and less” per year. On the plus side, he did wrap up the endorsement of Thurston Howell III.
Rejected Inslee Slogan No. 3: “We dam. We un-dam. We vacillate.”
Unintentionally Prophetic Headline of the Week: “End of the line for free-ride zone.”
Rejected Inslee Slogan No. 4: “We merge. We keep right except to pass. We lie like dogs.”
Access, Schmaccess: Soon-to-be beleaguered Huskies Coach Steve Sarkisian has threatened to throw reporters who mention injuries out of future Husky football practices. Don’t fret: We’re working up a system where Times beat reporter Bob Condotta can use code words. Like, for a pulled groin: “Huskies quarterback Keith Price yanked his chain at practice today.”
And Finally, Rejected Inslee Slogan No. 5: “We tanned. We rested. We ready.”
Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org