Newark, N.J., gets action hero Cory Booker. We get this guy.
Seriously: It’s only a matter of time before Mayor (Pro-tem) Mike McGinn, the David-Stern-back-rubbing champion of the big guy, gets his own disconnected-from-reality show.
Episode One: McGinn’s office gets a text from One Reel Productions, best known for its chronic inability to keep the powder dry for Seattle’s annual Fourth of July fireworks show, tipping off Hizzoner that nobody has ponied up the dough to make it happen this summer.
Our crafty leader sits on that and waits for the headline, before riding onto the public stage on his battery-powered steed and saving the day with a new city fireworks plan.
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It’s political slapstick comedy gold, people.
Next week: The mayor appears outside the Chihuly Museum of Self-Aggrandizement/Outlet Mall with a box of throwable rocks, scoops up a handful, cocks his arm, then saves the day by wrestling himself to the ground.
Speaking of Which: Mr. Wrap obviously is ill-equipped to give career advice. But just a note to certain people seeking new opportunities after this summer’s mayoral primary: Olympic National Park is seeking volunteers for its critically important backcountry Marmot Monitoring Project.
There’s Something (Comically Unreliable) About a Train: The Burlington Northern Santa Fe line from Seattle to Bellingham might be the only major rail corridor in the world that shuts down every time it rains.
Seriously: Did BNSF not get the memo about the prime selling point of rail travel being the fact that it doesn’t shut down in inclement weather?
Several Suggested Blue-Angels Replacement Acts: The State Sen. Rodney Tom Party Affiliation Weather Vane. Or the Gov. Jay Inslee Live Campaign-Promise Waffling Booth. Then there’s the Grand Seafair Fireworks Finale: A bullhorn-wielding State Sen. Pam Roach, R-Anger Management, publicly berates her staff for 90 minutes on a drifting barge.
A Fungus Among Us: The Burke Museum plans a series of events in May to “explore the power of fungi.” We’re not buying tickets until Rick Neuheisel confirms.
From Their Cold, Dead Brains: The state Republican Party is auctioning off an AR-15 style rifle at its annual fundraising dinner this weekend. The rumored door prize at the same event is an all-expenses-paid giraffe-slaughtering trip with former Seahawks owner Ken Behring.
Speaking of Weasels: The nation’s professional basketball franchise owners suddenly appear to be leaning toward Option B, re-screwing Seattle, over Option A, screwing Sacramento, in the battle to save $150-a-seat sloppy basketball. Who could possibly have expected this sort of skulduggery from a morally bankrupt cartel like the NBA?
Rising Expectations: Sinclair Media’s acquisition of Fisher Communications, the last remnant of a 1911 Seattle family flour-mill business that eventually diversified to bring us, among other things, KOMO TV and radio, is raising all sorts of troubling questions. Among them: This isn’t going to screw up the scone mix, is it?
And Finally: The answer to the scone question is, of course, no. The Fisher flour business, launched on Harbor Island in 1911, was purchased more than a decade ago by Oregon’s Pendleton Flour Milling and continues to crank out the dough. So there. Don’t say we never bring you good news.
Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org or 206-464-8280.