It’s already been a tough summer, with pain, suffering and misfortune stretching from slopes ravaged by wildfires to the lush fields of the Virginia Mason Athletic Complex in Renton.
Fortunately, generous Puget Sound residents are showing their true colors by stepping up to help.
Word arrived that Rich People’s National Bank has set up an emergency relief fund to aid desperate victims of cruelly insufficient professional sports contracts.
Checks, savings bonds and nonperishable food items can be sent to the Save Marshawn Fund, Box 101, Hunts Point. (Skittles are cute, but provide insufficient sustenance for a family struggling to survive on $6 mil-7 mil a year.)
- Seahawks agree to contract extension with quarterback Russell Wilson
- Dustin Ackley trade symbolizes continuing dark days of Mariners
- Surviving Seattle’s sidewalks: Pedestrian rage rises as the population grows
- Mariners trade Mark Lowe to the Blue Jays for three minor leaguers
- Seahawks linebacker Bobby Wagner on contract talks: 'Now. That's my deadline'
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Anything helps. God bless.
More pain, misery, cruel injustice and whatnot:
Speaking of Hopelessly Tone Deaf: Displaying his usual deft worker-relations touch, $23 million-a-year Boeing CEO Jim “Light Bulb” McNerney made national news by offering up this knee-slapper response to a reporter’s question about his own possible retirement when he turns 65: “The heart will still be beating, the employees will still be cowering, I’ll be working hard.”
Riiiiight: Similar helpings of zero sympathy are likely to be offered up by most for Montana Sen. John Walsh, D-Doris Kearns Goodwin, who coughed up the excuse of post-traumatic stress disorder after being exposed by The New York Times for cutting-and-pasting the bulk of his master’s thesis. Aside from the blatant BS factor, he unfortunately reduces to a punchline a serious disorder affecting many soldiers.
Announcing the University of Phoenix U.S. Army War College: The Walsh affair makes you wonder: What sort of rinky-dink educational institution accepts a 15-page paper as the equivalent of a master’s thesis? High-school students around here engage in more rigorous academic scholarship in their spare time.
Serve Us Crisis: The rant about bad customer service prompted loyal reader Wayne to alert Mr. Wrap to an excellent online rant by Dave Kaplan, a council member and mayor of Des Moines, about his own special experience with — who else? — Comcast. “I’m a pretty understanding guy,” Kaplan wrote, “but frankly, on the whole, this is the (expletive deleted) customer service experience I’ve EVER had … from any service provider.”
Serve Us, II: Kaplan’s salvo, reprinted at Waterlandblog.com, was of course followed by public comments beginning with what has become the catchphrase of the decade: “I, too, hate Comcast.”
Truer Words, Rarely Spoken:“I wake up every day,” current USC and former U-Dub football coach Steve Sarkisian told reporters, “and I kind of pinch myself.” So there’s one big thing Sark has in common with Husky fans.
Cat Scratch Peever: So painfully sad it was to see Bubba superhero Ted Nugent get scratched from the lineup of not one but two local tribal casinos because of complaints from customers about his racist rants. Once you get bounced from the casino circuit, there’s only that last rung of small-town, rural Idaho cinder-block taverns holding you, by fingertips, above the fiery abyss of has-been-entertainer hell.
And Finally: We here in the Wrap Department are not aviation experts. But we still feel pretty confident in answering CNN’s on-screen question — “IS IT SAFE TO FLY?” — in the affirmative.
Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org