Fortunately, not all the best minds at your local institution of higher learning have been spending their time working on a plush new football stadium (we’re not saying it’s excessive, but word is that the urinal cakes in coach Steve Sarkisian’s personal restroom are, indeed, frosted.)
Some of U-Dub’s finest, in fact, made national news by announcing a successful “brain-to-brain” connection over the Interwebs.
Amazing. And here’s the real beauty of it: When the program (inevitably) loses 50 percent of its funding, they can still conduct brain-to-half-brain research by hooking one end of the gizmo up to the Seattle mayor’s office.
More neural networking:
- Our state’s greatest gift to the nation just got canceled
- Clay Matthews tells Colin Kaepernick: ‘You ain’t Russell Wilson, bro’
- Watch: Former Mariners great Ichiro Suzuki pitches — yes, pitches — for the Marlins
- Gun violence: Don’t fear gun laws; let gun-owners help pay to fix the problem
- Two high school football players hospitalized after serious game injuries
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We Kid the Mayor: Truth is, Mayor McSchwinn is on a roll. With that big 28 percent in the primary, he’s now poised to come in as high as distant second in the general election.
Speaking of the New Dawg House: One thing left out of that nifty “Husky Stadium By The Numbers” piece in The Times the other day: Number of days per year fans are likely to actually see that spectacular stadium view in the daylight: 0 to 1.
This Just In: Seattle drivers are some of the worst in the country, according to a completely bogus “study” hyped nationwide by Allstate Insurance.
This Also Just In: Allstate Insurance is one of the crummiest, most-overpriced insurance privateers in the country, according to two guys Mr. Wrap met at the Pink Elephant Car Wash.
Note to State GOP: It says something profound that you’ve elected a failed candidate retired news reader, Susan Hutchison, as your state chairperson. We’re just not sure what.
We’re Not Saying It’s Slow, But: A large banana slug has just lapped the downtown tunnel-boring machine and is now taunting it from the sidelines.
We Would Be Remiss In Not Pointing This Out: One shockingly overlooked reason not to bomb Syria: We might want to save all those cruise missiles for when the Italians re-re-convict, and then come after, Amanda Knox.
Call It Hotly Anticipated: Great to see Boeing, formerly of Seattle, crank out the first stretch-version Dreamsmoker. The 787-9 only holds another 40 or so people, but that puts you six or eight rows farther away from the plane’s Weber Smokey Mountain lithium-ion battery.
Speaking of the Dreamsmoker: Somebody at Tully’s the other day was snorting that the “extended range” of the new, improved version of the jet increases its range by only 300 miles: Big deal, right? Well, actually yes, if it’s the last 300 miles into Auckland.
Just When We Were Getting to Know Him: Alleged sexual harasser Bob Filner, mayor of San Diego, finally stepped down, even after undergoing extensive treatment. Apparently there’s no short-term therapy for being a rutting pig.
And Finally: Mr. Wrap is all for fair wages. But wouldn’t it make more sense for labor activists to be demanding better jobs for McWorkers to move up to than demanding slightly less crappy wages for the McJobs in the first place? The problem is not just what they pay, but that they’ve become long-term gigs for so many Americans.
Ron Judd’s column appears each Sunday. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org or 206-464-8280.