Before readers start to think this is some kind of fun-filled family vacation where the Johnston brood gets to run on California beaches and shout things like "Surf's up!" these misguided readers should think of another adventure that also can be summed up in two words:

"Family reunion!"

Mrs. Johnston comes from a large Irish-Catholic family that has more people in it than some states. Some of these family members even have red hair and freckles to match in case there is any question about their Irish heritage.

Although I've never heard it said by any of these relatives, I know when they meet each other at the start of the day, they shout, "Top of the mornin' to you!" and do a little Irish jig.

But what they like to do most is get together every couple of years to see what everyone in the family has been up to. Where normal families would gather at one of the many ocean beaches in California so the children can swim and run on the sand while the adults sit around and drink, Mrs. Johnston's family likes to get together near Lake Tahoe.

Not at Lake Tahoe itself, but at a nearby site better known for another family gathering. This family reunion is known in history as the Donner party. Yes, Mrs. Johnston's family gets several cabins and rooms around the place where the Donner wagon train got stuck in the snow in the 1800s and that family passed the winter by eating folks who weren't related to them.

As far as I know, no one has been eaten at one of Mrs. Johnston's family reunions, but that doesn't mean it hasn't crossed their minds. I'm sure if we spent more than a week together there would at least be some snapping and biting on the non-family members — the people who married into the family, that is. We're known as the "out-laws," not the in-laws. We know where we stand.

As it is, a week seems about as long as Mrs. Johnston's family can stand each other. The first couple of days are spent saying how much they missed seeing the other family members and catching up on what has happened since the last reunion. By the third day, all the latest news has been shared and the clan starts talking about their childhoods. Mrs. Johnston's family grew up in an Irish-Catholic-overpopulated neighborhood south of San Francisco, and that leads to who did what to whom when they were children.

During these lively debates, I usually find another "out-law" who is on the sidelines of the family discussion, and we spend the evening trying to figure out some way to get back to our motel rooms. I told Mrs. Johnston I didn't think any of her family would miss me or any of the other out-laws if we slipped away, but she insists that we play an important role in the family reunions.

As far as I can tell that "important role" is to settle family disputes like who was the worst president of the United States (this is dangerous ground because as the family members grow older, they make more money and start moving from Democrat to Republican) or can public schools ever be as good as Catholic schools?

You can always tell the new out-laws in the group because they think someone in the family is actually interested in their opinions, and they open their mouths to say something stupid, such as what they think. Then the members of the family turn on these poor people and the rest of the out-laws watch the blood flow.

The older and more experienced out-laws have made a pact among themselves long ago. We are willing to sacrifice one of our own to draw attention away from the herd so we can live to another day.

After a few family reunions, these youngsters will learn this lesson and pass it on to the next generation of out-laws.