THE current trend of the drama kings and queens of the Weather Channel is to name every meteorological event other than a light drizzle as if it were an attempt to lift weather reporting to the status of tabloid news.
“Triton targeting California,” screamed a recent weather.com headline, a figure of Greek mythology overwhelming our shores. Other storms have come and gone with names like Brutus, Caesar, Plato and Rocky. If the winter lasts long enough, we are scheduled with threatening assaults from the likes of Xerxes and Yogi. (No kidding. You can look it up.)
I’m still a newcomer to the Pacific Northwest, but I find our weather here to be more on the sedate side. The biggest surprise is when the sun actually does shine — “sunbreak” I believe is the local term to describe it. (In Florida, by contrast, “sunbreak” goes by the more pedestrian, “same old, same old.”)
But the exceptionalism that governs the outbreak of sunshine here deserves identity in the same way that exceptional weather is commanding doom and gloom now in the less-secure ZIP codes of our nation’s weather patterns. Please, no names like Magnus, Triton or Zeus for our gentle and beneficent sunbreaks.
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Here are some suggested handles for the rays of sunshine expected this weekend:
The Rebecca of Sunnybrook Sunbreak will pay Seattle a brief visit midweek. Periods of damp, dreary drizzle will be relieved by a positive, upbeat and always optimistic burst of beneficial rays.
A Peer Glynt of sunny skies will put you in a “Morning Mood” for sure. It won’t last throughout the opus of your day, so enjoy it while you can.
Strawberry Shortcake Sunshine skips into town for the weekend, bringing a pert and precocious tea party of squinty horizons with it.
A Little Miss Muffet mild wave of fair weather will saunter in from the Pacific and settle contentedly with us until a cold front later in the week will frighten Miss Muffet away.
Happy Gilmore Gold greets eastbound commuters with plenty of the bright stuff blanketing windshields Monday and possibly late into the workweek.
The annual Mary Jane Slipstream blows in, pushing away a Canadian low and replacing it with a Mexican high. Fingers crossed it will stay with us for at least one toke over the line.
And finally, Papa Hemingday dawns bright and sunny over Seattle because The Sun Also Rises, even here.
This exercise proves that naming our weather isn’t such a ridiculous thing after all, right? I can see the Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore now, hustling to Seattle to report on the “Sunny day of the century.”
Reid Champagne is a Kirkland-based writer.