My favorite excuse when someone razzes me about the mind-numbing — seriously, I have low I. Q. now — amount of reality television...
My favorite excuse when someone razzes me about the mind-numbing — seriously, I have low I.Q. now — amount of reality television I watch is, “But I have to watch. It’s for work.”
I love that I can say that.
But after a year of writing all reality, all the time, I’m over it. I’m quitting like Verna did on “The Apprentice 3,” and next I’m going to go wander aimlessly around the Jersey Shore.
Besides, I need a good excuse to watch Pamela Anderson‘s new sitcom, “Stacked” (premieres 8:30 p.m. April 13, KCPQ). It’s about a bookstore. Really.
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So today, this column is reborn as “TV Addict” — much to the chagrin of my parents, who still don’t have cable — and will be devoted to all kinds of guilty-pleasure and buzzworthy television (including reality TV), along with the occasional TV celebrity gossip. Might I add here that watching TV and gossiping are two of the things I do best.
The other thing I’m really good at is shopping, so when I heard Jesse Metcalfe (the hot gardener on “Desperate Housewives”) was making an after-hours appearance at the downtown Nordstrom store Sunday, it seemed as good an excuse as any to go there. (“But I have to shop. It’s for work.”)
Jesse is so pretty in person that my friend Christina was momentarily struck dumb upon meeting him. I, however, remained composed and professional. “Will you take off your shirt?” I asked. He said no: “They’re not paying me enough.” I’d like a word with whoever’s in charge here.
Later, with signed headshots of Jesse in hand (he signed with a big, loopy heart, which we took to mean he really liked us), Christina mused that it’s OK that Jesse is short in person (aren’t they always?) because if he were that cute and tall it would be too much. By that time I had moved on to a Michael Kors handbag that is, believe it or not, cuter than Jesse Metcalfe. Plus, I got to take it home with me, unlike Jesse Metcalfe, who was not for sale.
In other local celebrity sightings, I had a little episode last Thursday that I like to call “Chasing Tommy Lee.” The soon-to-be reality star was in town spinning at Club Medusa, and I wanted to ask him what he learned at the University of Nebraska — for instance, what exactly is a Cornhusker? For all my efforts — i.e., getting ready and going down to Belltown in the rain — all I got was an “I partied all night with Tommy Lee” tank top, which was a lie since he wasn’t actually doing any press. Or maybe he just has an aversion to girls named Pam, I don’t know. (“Tommy Lee Goes to College” premieres this summer on NBC.)
“The Amazing Race 7”
“Oh, now I’m in the numb stage, so it doesn’t even hurt.” Hmmm, this pretty much sums up my entire relationship with reality TV. (9 p.m. Tuesdays, KIRO)
In: Contractors. Five Minutes Ago: Plumbers. Out: Gardeners. “Desperate Housewives”: PG-rated porn. (9 p.m. Sundays, KOMO)
For the record, I am a really good driver. So is my mom, and she’s Asian, too. (9:30 p.m. Tuesdays, KING)
If I could be anyone on TV, I would be Lindsay Bluth Fünke: “If you weren’t standing all the way on the other side of the room, I’d slap your face.” (8:30 p.m. Sundays, KCPQ)
Paula, don’t feel bad about your little hit-and-run incident. Scott Savol allegedly pulled a Naomi Campbell on his baby’s mama, and that’s probably worse. (8 p.m. Tuesdays and 9 p.m. Wednesdays, KCPQ)
At last, a Bachelor who’s keeping it real: “I’m not a rocket scientist. I’m just trying to have a good time.” Charlie, meet Kindle, aka The Poor Man’s Jenna Bush. (9 p.m. Mondays, KOMO)
“Jake in Progress”
It’s really disconcerting to me to see that Javier from “Felicity” is now married — to a woman — and lives in the suburbs. (8 p.m. Thursdays, KOMO)
Now that all those pesky lesbians and illegitimate daughters are out of the picture, “The O.C.” is getting good again, and not just because The Rocketeer moved to Newport. Look for Bellingham’s Death Cab for Cutie to rock the Bait Shop April 21. (8 p.m. Thursdays, KCPQ)
Hey, you know what would have made that CBS “Shark Attack” movie way better? Tom and his machete. (8 p.m. Thursdays, KIRO)
“The Apprentice 3”
I wonder how much Domino’s Pizza paid for that hourlong commercial masquerading as an episode of “The Apprentice”? (9 p.m. Thursdays, KING)
“Showdog Moms & Dads”
Poopy kisses and doggie gynecological exams aside, what really freaked me out was when Moira brushed her dog with a hairbrush and then used it to fluff her own bangs. Sacrilege! (10 p.m. Wednesdays, Bravo)
I liked this show better when it was “Boston Legal.” Can we bring back Denny Crane–comes-first? (10 p.m. Sundays, KOMO)
TV Addict: 206-464-2376 or firstname.lastname@example.org